imagine one day, in the midst of the emptiness,
you realize, that your world had already collapsed,
and you are merely living in a world of nothingness?

ohyes. finally my world has collapsed.
and i do wonder now, does the GOD i believe in actually exist?
firstly. the hopes i held,collapsed the past week,
every single hope i had had been dashed.
my results were awfully bad. (& i cant complain)
my loved ones were attitude-ing. (like whatever)
_____________ (private matter.)
and today, XI AN TRIP IS CANCELLED.

even that trip that i have been looking forward to had been cancelled.
i wanted to just get away from this hectic and stressful life i have been living and just have a good break with my friends.
but now? i don't even have that chance anymore.
three months. it was long.
the mid-years were really bad times,
but i lived through it, holding on to a hope that the days ahead will be good.
i had my holidays planned out alr.
i really wanted to enjoy, but _l_ reality mans.
and stop typing that shit, it hurts me real bad.
real real bad. i'm alr wanting let everything go, don't remind me about it,
please. go away...


and ade-mama, i really can't wait for these three days to pass,
i'm waiting for the hour that you'll return.
i really miss you really badly,
i really missed talking to you,
i missed sharing with you,
i missed hugging you.
it felt really awful when you were not around.
i don't have anyone whom i can confide in. (except jeans)
oh mama, please come back soon..
please... :(

i just feel so so empty. i really want to hug someone and cry.
loneliness,sadness,emptiness.
it feels really bad.
i've been crying the past half an hour,
and i just feel worse. :'(
i am suicidal now.
so just fuck off and leave me alone maans.
and someone, tell me that God exists.
and someone, tell me that i'm loved.
oh GOD, let me feel that YOU are there will you?
i'm tired. & i just wanna fade away.
go away. leave me alone.