hello humans.
another awesome picture i got from tumblr :)
& you can guess, i updated again :X
our God, is an AWESOME GOD :)
i never knew sanity was something so hard to keep .__.
or perhaps, i've been spared from it for 1year&5months.
going out with the cheery and lame personality, and coming home to let out the emo side.
(despite the fact i do space out and emo when i'm out. but that happens usually when i'm sick and tired. or totally troubled.)
keeping myself in one piece has never been so hard before.
i guess i'm probably tired of fighting, fighting to stay alive and everything.
very often i wish i could just let go, pray so hard that i can stop fighting soon.
but such wishes and prayers don't come true.
i'm still fighting really hard, and i'm really really tired...
school's damn tough for me. i must admit.
people have told me that upper primary was super tough, it didn't feel that way.
people told me that secondary school is crazy, it wasn't that bad, in fact i enjoyed it.
and the irony was that, some people told me that J1 was kinda relaxed (& later i realised that person was in the arts stream. wth duh luh ._.), and this time, it was wrong.
J1 IS DAMN TOUGH. (in science stream).
i'm struggling so hard to stay afloat, but i keep sinking.
i can't do my math at all, and the questions look so alien.
worst still, in secondary school, some things taught are false, so now i'm confused between what's true and what's not.
super suck ._.
well, at the least the weekends are here now.
i need a break.
and next week will be PEE-AII week. i know i'm procrastinating, but i just don't have the mental energy to start on it.
i stoned at my math for 1 hour and gave up. i cried on my math ._.
so troubled, so stressed. oh Lord, save me, please...
my mum wants to bring me to malaysia during june for a holiday.
but i know if i go there i also be saikang only.
plus i have mid years after the june holidays, can i even afford to spend the time overseas and at the cost of extra lessons?
i don't know.
mum says i need a break, but there's just no time for a break.
i need math tuition. something i never wanted. but i'm left with no choice.
i could pia in sec 4 thanks to sarojini, but now i have no one, just a lousy eccentric math teacher.
.__. he sucks totally. damn. mdm goh sucks too. my studies are gonna die. really must 靠 myself alr ._.
PE today really really sucked.
we did shuttle run + shuttle run training.
butt kick and knee lifts = super spastic.
then sprints. my knee almost died. after a few sprints i really wanted to die from the pain alr,
not exactly because of sprinting, but the braking and bending to pick up the bean bag ._.
final blow came in when i did the last shuttle, the track was so "slippery" and i slid when picking up the beanbag, and the first thought that came was "#$%^&!", then still must run back, pain like crazy ._.
limpedddd to cafe to get lime joose :X (ended PE late ._.)
and i saw.... someone.
tried so hard not to stare, cause i shouldn't, as i know, he has someone else alr.
so stare into blank space, bearing with the sharp pain in my knee and the searing pain in my heart.
just... took a glance and walked off for GP...
*ouch*
well, i probably flunked the compre test.
yes it was hard, and the (Y) part was that i couldn't concentrate on the test.
my brain was so tired, and everything was "answer in your own words as far as possible".
super-dee-duper affected by things going on ._.
well, at least something good happened today.
got a memo from mrs rajasegar that i got 3rd place for the essay i wrote for english week.
(and nicholas just had to say: "skarrly only 3 people join ._." skarrrly true jiu damn sian ._.)
waaaaa ._. i guess that would be one of the last descriptives i will write... now only argumentative.
used to abhor the thought of writing them, but thanks to miss lim's write 14 compo in 14 days order last year, i was forced to write descriptive and fell in love with writing them.
remembered that she commended me for the sentosa essay :) can sell to sentosa alr.
i'll miss writing descriptives.. well maybe.. i'll write when i'm free, if i'm ever free.
well. i lost my nobel house shirt today :(
so pissed, i blanked out and it was gone, just like the way i lost my w880i 2 years back.
and it's around the same date somemore .____.
IM SO GONNA GET ANOTHER ONE ON MONDAY >:(
my darling nobel shirt who has gone through thick & thin with me, IMY :(
guess i'll just wear the POLO house shirt for now :(
(don't want wear byron, can see through ._.)
&went to bryan kor's house to play band hero and guitar hero today w/
eugene (SISTER!), brandon (GFF :X) and Hanjun (salty warrior) :D
left ard 8 plus hahahahahha :D guitar's awesome.
(P.S. ESTHER I CAN REACH THE GUITAR KEYS.. for guitar hero :X)
my weekends are damn packed, and i dont have much homework so thank God.
but.. i heard there's another math test next week.
saturday:
1. play basketball w/ bryan. no time :( sleep x.x
2. go amk / whereever have goody towels to buy towels to make doggy plush. (no woofy, not a rival for you.)
3. meet nicholas for pool training
4. meet 11.50am @ outrum park station for cue training.
5. 12- 2pm cuesport training.
6. (tentative) meet cg @ airport 3.30pm.
7. Get cue stick from wiraka.
Sunday:
1. 9 am service
2. Cg lunch
3. plush making lesson.
._______.
i'm super (dead) woman ._.
think i going to sleep soon after playing pool master (it finally loads properly, been trying for many many days D:)
gonna jog after school on monday. (IT HAS RAINED COWS AND CHICKEN FOR 2 WEEKS >:( )
then tuesday PE probably jog again.
watashiwa superwoman desu! ._.
i need to train up my stamina, my fitness is dropping. time to get back in shape. :)
taekwondo next week, hopefully :D
janeh.
somehow, i just can't get @purity off my mind.
& i have to. i've tried my best to hold on, but everything, including you tells me to let go.
i was just a fool to have believed in you. :) at least i learnt, i'm a problem :)
